Breakups are usually incredibly painful and difficult. They are like roller-coasters of negative emotions that leave us feeling drained and empty. Which, in turn, makes us feel like we will never get better again – let alone find love once more.
And that can lead us to make stupid decisions.
Sure, it may be incredibly difficult to stay positive immediately after a breakup. But that doesn’t mean it’s going to stay that way forever. Like all physical wounds, the heart heals with time too. And though the process may leave you a bit scarred and change who you are a bit, it doesn’t have to necessarily be an unhealthy process.
We can recover in a manner that will lead us to be stronger than before. And we can do it without making decisions that will negatively affect our future.
So, here are a few things you should remember after any breakup.
8 Breakup Dos and Don’ts For a Healthy Recovery From A Breakup
1. Accept it.
The first step you should take after a breakup is to accept it. And that can often be the hardest thing to do.
It is perfectly understandable why accepting a breakup can be difficult. After all, love is like a drug – in fact scientists have found romance having similar effects to recreational drugs on the mind. Thus, it makes sense why letting go of a relationship can feel so tough after a breakup.
But you have to understand that holding on to it is not going to help you either. You will only open yourself up to anguish if you keep deluding yourself. Accept the situation for what it is and do your best to move on. Remember: breakups may feel like the end of the world but they really aren’t. It’s just another chapter in your life.
2. Don’t try to ‘fix’ it.
The one thing you should never do after a breakup is to try and ‘fix’ it.
It doesn’t matter whether it was you who broke the relationship off or your partner. Because no matter how good the relationship felt at the time, it ended for a reason. And forcing a do-over is not going to address the issues that split you up in the first place. It’s only going to come off as desperate and will help absolutely nobody. It’s over and you should get over it too.
3. Talk to people.
Breakups can make you feel isolated – marooned in your own sorrows. But you don’t have to be alone.
Seclusion after a breakup is a bad idea. Because it creates an environment of stress and cause our negative emotions to fester. Don’t let that happen! Don’t bottle up all the hurt inside you. Talk about it and unburden yourself. You have friends and family you can reach out to and they will help you through the troubled times.
4. Don’t ‘rebound’.
Breakups can invalidate our self-confidence and self-worth. It can make us feel like we just aren’t good enough. It is why most people seek a quick fix for it by looking for comfort in another romance. And that can lead to poor choices.
Rebounding from a relationship by quickly forming a new one may seem like a good idea when you are all torn up but it really isn’t. Hasty decisions are never good for you – especially when they concern something as personal as intimate as a romantic relationship.
A quick rebound can have dire consequences in the long run because you are at your most vulnerable immediately after a breakup. And that can lead to poor judgement or allow you to be taken advantage of.
Always remember that you are an individual. You don’t need a relationship to validate your worth. It can wait till you are better again.
5. Distract yourself.
When you stay idle after a breakup, you end up overthinking about your relationship and your ex. And that’s not going to help you.
So, it is absolutely important for you to find something to distract yourself with. Pick up a new hobby or go try something you have always wanted to try. There’s a whole world full of wonderful experiences waiting for you out there. And there’s no better time to try it all out then now!
6. Don’t stalk your ex.
Social media has changed how we live rather dramatically now. We are all so connected to it that it has made doing a lot of things much easier. And one of those things include stalking.
You really should stop being concerned over how your ex is doing. It doesn’t matter whether they are miserable or doing awesome. It doesn’t matter who that person is in the new photograph they just posted online. Because not only is stalking unethical, it is also really not going to help you. All it will do is chain you to the past reliving something that is not there anymore.
Move on. Unfriend/unfollow your ex and do something more productive with your time. Don’t let your past control who you are and can be.
7. Don’t beat yourself up.
You’re hurting bad because you’ve just lost something important to you. You look at yourself and think it’s all your fault. Guilt or blame are, after all, perfectly natural reactions to a breakup. But being natural doesn’t mean it’s healthy.
Stop blaming yourself over your breakup. And don’t rage over your ex either. It’s nobody’s fault because there is nothing to blame. The only thing that you should realize is that your relationship didn’t work and now it’s over. That’s all there is to it. And hurting yourself and finding comfort in the pain is in no way going to help you.
8. Put yourself into perspective.
The best thing you can do after a breakup is to re-identify yourself.
Being a couple, especially if the relationship lasted for a long time, can distort your identity. Because you’ve been together for so long that it can feel like your twosome is what defines you. So, when a breakup happens and you are by yourself again, it can feel like you are somehow incomplete. And even though, it couldn’t be the furthest thing from the truth, you end up believing it.
But that shouldn’t be the case. That is why it is crucial to reacquaint with yourself as an individual. Spruce yourself up and identify all your good qualities. Don’t let a past relationship define who you are.
Breakups can be an emotionally draining process. And no matter what, the process of recovery is going to take time and hurt you.
But you have to remember that you will heal. Although the pain may be unbearable at present, it is not going to last forever. You will get better and eventually what once was will be nothing more than a memory – a good one even.
There’s no rush. Just take your time and let your heart heal itself. Nobody is going to judge you if you are a bit slower than normal. And as always, good luck!
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